The story of a working Mommy to two cool girls and one au-some little boy!


Hi!  This is my son Timothy, shortly before he was diagnosed with non verbal autism in 2010.  Looks "normal" enough, right?  Probably like any other kid around two years old.  Here is the difference:  Timothy didn't follow any of the typical baby-toddler milestones.  He didn't point at things, or jabber like a toddler.  In fact, Timothy hated to be touched, period.  Imagine, wanting to hug your child, or read to him and he could not stand to be that physically close to you?  To change Timothy's diaper was usually a two person job because the mere thought of having a baby wipe or washcloth touching him was to us nails on a chalkboard (we found out later).  Some family members thought my son was deaf as he would not respond to his name.  Sirens would go past and Timothy wouldn't flinch.  Definitely not kosher.

So off we went to the family clinic the fall of 2009 when he was approximately 18 months old.  It wasn't long in the Dr's office waiting where things went sour.  You see, as soon as the door shut, Timothy went gazelle and tried to bolt.  The bright lights, unfamiliar room all proved to be too much.  Could he sense danger?  You bet!

I had to wrestle Timothy onto the Dr's exam table and then attempt to hold him down so he could be examined.  Another nurse was called in to help. Who would think a toddler could be so wiggly and strong?  From what could be seen, the doctor was in agreement that there was something wrong here.  Then came the blame game.

Why did you wait so long to come in?  Why did you delay his immunizations?

I broke down in tears and hugged my near hysterical child.  We cried together, there on the exam table.  I thought I was doing an OK job as a Mom.  Not this day.  I was a failure.  I had failed my son.


  1. I don't think you should ever blame yourself especially thinking that you've failed as a mother/parent. All that we do, we do for them because we love them and want the best for them. There is no failure in loving our children. Especially so if they are special.

  2. Hi Bryan.
    Thanks for your comment.
    When I wrote this, I was in a much different state of mind. You can read the despair and darkness I felt. Thankfully I have turned a few corners since then.

  3. I found such joy reading your blog. My son is 8.... his name is Christian . ... and he has high functioning Autism and Adhd. reading "I love you mommy" made me cry. As hard as some days can be, that was something I hadn't experienced . ... well, mildly , as he didn't talk at all till 3, almost 4. it helped me realize how lucky I am to be able to hear those words.... as so many cannot. And helped me to be grateful for the chaos and noise, because some would give anything just to hear it. stay strong...