Several years ago Timothy was considered to be non verbal autistic. I used to be asked time and time again what it was like. How did I know he loved me? Felt love?
I would automatically say that I knew he did, though sometimes I felt far less confident.
Often he would touch my face. Pat my back with a quick tempo in one spot or smile at me with bright eyes (oh those eyes....) To say my child felt nothing was like blowing a bloody hole through my heart. I mean, it's one if those heart stopping, gut wrenching moments that make you suck your breath in quickly and just stop...take it all in and think, yes this is really happening, it's real. This is what it's all about.
I love you Mommy.
I knew Timothy felt love. I knew it. One day he would tell me, but until that day the words left his lips he told me in other ways.
He let me hug him. Yes, let me. For a time he disliked being touched and let me tell you, that hurt. I knew it wasn't personal but oh, the hurt when he pushed me away...it was like a brick sat on my chest.
He would seek out my eyes for a moment to let me know he was there. To be honest sometimes I wasn't sure when he was with me and when he was not. I would call his name and he wouldn't flinch or bat an eye. Family questioned his hearing, his eye sight. No. It was autism that had his attention.
Not long ago the words formed on his lips and left his mouth like little sparrows like I knew they eventually would.
"I love you Mommy."
The world did stop turning for several moments while I processed what he had said and I'm not quite sure he understood my tears or the big deal I made of this...
It was and still holds court as one of the biggest freaking deals ever in the history of Mr Timothy and his accomplishments.
Timothy doesn't have much spontaneous speech and this was no exception - it was practiced and modeled after my own "I love you Timothy's " for months and even years.
I love you Mommy.
When it can't be physically said it's being said in other ways. A look, a touch, an action. You just have to follow the breadcrumbs.
Love to you and yours,
Trish. XO
I found your blog via Birthday Party Invitation/Good Morning America. That post moved me to tears. Your blog post makes me cry (in a good way). Your son, you, your struggles. Sending hugs and well wishes! Anna, New York, NY
ReplyDeleteHave you looked into sensory therapy for Timothy? As the grandmother of two beautiful children with autism I can relate to your feelings. We have been doing Mendability for two years now and both have made a lot of progress. It is a scientifically proven therapy. It is affordable and is something you can do at home. It's enjoyable for both Timothy and you - great bonding time.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing yours and Timothys story. Very inspiring. Very honest. Very human. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. I'm a mother of four boys, two of which have been diagnosed with Autism and a third son with mild ID. It is tough some days more than others. To watch my son's conquer their milestones or witness the slightest hurdles life throws atvthem is miraculous . It's beautiful to hear those few words I love you mom. Or to get a hug! The things that are taken for granted by others are the things that I appreciate the most. Thank you kindly for your share it gives joy reading a fellow parents thoughts, struggles, joys and hope. It reminds me I'm not the only one !
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing Timothy's and your story. My 10 year old grandson has autism and I know some days are harder than others for my daughter and the rest of the family, but they get through them all together. My grandson is also nonverbal but shows his love in so many ways. we are truly blessed and my prayers are with you and your family as well.
ReplyDeleteYour story has made my day I'm a mother of a loving 5 year old boy who has been diagnosed with autism whom also is non verbal. I worry all the time how his classmates will treat him and so far so good while he's currently in preschool but hey I'm his mommy so I extra worry I love him soooo much. thanks for sharing your story I stumbled upon this at the best time in my life because he's starting kindergarten next year and I hope he finds a special friend that understands like your son. :)
ReplyDeletethe below info might help your son's autism............
ReplyDeleteAUTISM - Kerri Rivera developed the Chlorine Dioxide (CD) autism treatment protocol that addresses the presence of pathogens, such as fungi, bacteria, heavy metals, parasites, candida, etc., found in almost every child with autism / Candida proven to be a cause / low dose naltroxene (lowdosenaltroxene.org) / gluten & dairy-free diet / cannabis oil help patients to talk / Dr Russell Blaylock vaccine detox / Lugol's iodine / Bacteriodes fragilis bolster the immune system and reduce autism / vitamin b12 (adeno B12) and vitamin B3 help with autism / visit curezone.org and earthclinic.com for very useful advice.
AUTISM - Kerri Rivera developed the Chlorine Dioxide (CD) autism treatment protocol that addresses the presence of pathogens, such as fungi, bacteria, heavy metals, parasites, candida, etc., found in almost every child with autism / Candida proven to be a cause / low dose naltroxene (lowdosenaltroxene.org) / gluten & dairy-free diet / cannabis oil help patients to talk / Dr Russell Blaylock vaccine detox / Lugol's iodine / Bacteriodes fragilis bolster the immune system and reduce autism / vitamin b12 (adeno B12) and vitamin B3 help with autism / visit curezone.org and earthclinic.com for very useful advice.
ReplyDeleteThis is an awesome story. I'm glad you shared it. I am a widow with a 5 year old who also has Autism. People do not know or understand how hard it can be at times for the children or the parents. I took my son to the Dinosaurs Exhibition today at Cobo Center in Detroit. He loves dinosaurs and was so excited to see this exhibit. As most kids his age 5 are anxious and not so patient when it comes to waiting in line to go into the bouncy house, he was no different. He had a full blow episode while waiting in line. I had to restrain him from running and from hurting himself by throwing himself to the ground kicking and screaming. People in line were staring at us and even making rude comments while we were standing there and we could hear them. So I kindly turned around and said " one should not talk about others when you do not know what is going on". My child is Autistic and does required more understanding, love and patience than most kids. I also said " don't tell me I'm not a good mother just because my son is Autistic, try walking a mile in my shoes honey. Once it was his turn the nice worker gave me a hug and said " it's not your fault and your doing an awesome job". Once he was done bouncing, I just hugged him and cried in rhe middle of the exhibit. So tired of the rude comments and stares. People should be more considerate and never judge a book by it's cover. The mom who invited your son is a wonderful woman and she even thought of a way for Timothy to have just as much fun as the rest of the kids. Thank you for sharing! It gives me Hope that their are still some people in this world that have a heart.
ReplyDeleteThis is an awesome story. I'm glad you shared it. I am a widow with a 5 year old who also has Autism. People do not know or understand how hard it can be at times for the children or the parents. I took my son to the Dinosaurs Exhibition today at Cobo Center in Detroit. He loves dinosaurs and was so excited to see this exhibit. As most kids his age 5 are anxious and not so patient when it comes to waiting in line to go into the bouncy house, he was no different. He had a full blow episode while waiting in line. I had to restrain him from running and from hurting himself by throwing himself to the ground kicking and screaming. People in line were staring at us and even making rude comments while we were standing there and we could hear them. So I kindly turned around and said " one should not talk about others when you do not know what is going on". My child is Autistic and does required more understanding, love and patience than most kids. I also said " don't tell me I'm not a good mother just because my son is Autistic, try walking a mile in my shoes honey. Once it was his turn the nice worker gave me a hug and said " it's not your fault and your doing an awesome job". Once he was done bouncing, I just hugged him and cried in rhe middle of the exhibit. So tired of the rude comments and stares. People should be more considerate and never judge a book by it's cover. The mom who invited your son is a wonderful woman and she even thought of a way for Timothy to have just as much fun as the rest of the kids. Thank you for sharing! It gives me Hope that their are still some people in this world that have a heart.
ReplyDeleteAUTISM - Kerri Rivera developed the Chlorine Dioxide (CD) autism treatment protocol that addresses the presence of pathogens, such as fungi, bacteria, heavy metals, parasites, candida, etc., found in almost every child with autism / Candida proven to be a cause / low dose naltroxene (lowdosenaltroxene.org) / gluten & dairy-free diet / cannabis oil help patients to talk / Dr Russell Blaylock vaccine detox / Lugol's iodine / Bacteriodes fragilis bolster the immune system and reduce autism / vitamin b12 (adeno B12) and vitamin B3 help with autism / visit curezone.org and earthclinic.com for very useful advice.
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DeleteI would like to share an interesting story with you about a boy who was Autistic and non-verbal. I will also include information about a product which the mom used and for which I am a distributor. If that is not ok, I understand. I would tell you more here but I don't want to 'spam' you. Write me at >> L9info@yahoo.com
ReplyDeletePS..the boy is no longer non-verbal and is not having hardly any 'meltdowns'. It's very exciting.
Trish, Don't give up the fight. Keep writing. hang in there and all that stuff. You are a gift to your son and the rest of the world.
ReplyDelete"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." — Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
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the below info might help your son's autism............
ReplyDeleteAUTISM - Kerri Rivera developed the Chlorine Dioxide (CD) autism treatment protocol that addresses the presence of pathogens, such as fungi, bacteria, heavy metals, parasites, candida, etc., found in almost every child with autism / Candida proven to be a cause / low dose naltroxene (lowdosenaltroxene.org) / gluten & dairy-free diet / cannabis oil help patients to talk / Dr Russell Blaylock vaccine detox / Lugol's iodine / Bacteriodes fragilis bolster the immune system and reduce autism / vitamin b12 (adeno B12) and vitamin B3 help with autism / visit curezone.org and earthclinic.com for very useful advice.
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In my experience as a special ed teacher, kids with ASD experience intense emotions, they just express them differently. Also, while you modeled that phrase by saying "I love you Timothy" he had to process it and generalize it to get to "I love you mom." This is a much bigger deal! 💕💕
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