"Let's make it work"

C'mon..... y'all know these don't often go together as much as we want them to. 

 Kinda like nuts and gum.  We parents of the "specials" know only too well the hurts our kids feel when they are left out of the social gatherings relative to childhood. 

Organized sports, play dates, sleep overs and yes- the dreaded birthday parties. 

I can say whole-heartedly that my son has not attended a single one.  We have received countless invitations in the few years Timothy has attended school;  of kids who mercilessly invite the entire class~ and for that I'm grateful (don't get me wrong).   Really cool sounding parties too.

 I wonder if the parents know what would happen if I brought Timothy?  The interruptions....the meltdowns.....how I would hate to take the spotlight from the birthday child.

So we politely decline.  Every.  Single.  One.

Until this one arrived..........




I don't know this Mom or even this child personally.  I want to.  Desperately.

This Mom wrote exactly what I needed to see that day and didn't even know it. 

This Mom gives me hope for Timothy's future when sometimes I get stuck in the darkness of his diagnosis.

This Mom is everything I strive to be.

This Mom rocks.

This ------>(ME) Mom will be RSVPing  a HELL YES for the first time ever.  And I can't wait.

 
 
Bam!  Catalina Wine Mixer!
 


34 comments:

  1. You are a wonderful mom, and Timothy seems like a great kid. Hang tough! Hugs and prayers from Michigan.

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  2. Great story - thanks for sharing.

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  3. Just in case you haven't "met" Jess & Brooke -- http://adiaryofamom.com/

    I came across your blog post when a friend shared it on Facebook.. It reminds me of some of her posts.. I hope the party is(was?) a success for Timothy and yourself as well!! :)

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  4. as a child, i was rarely ever included in anything, so i have some small fragment of an idea how timothy feels.

    so yes... HELL yes. :]

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  5. Both of my sons have autism. Your son sounds a lot like my younger son. My older son could care less about other people. He's not interested at all. He never has been. My younger son WANTS to play with other kids and interact with them, but he doesn't know how. Other kids avoid him most of the time. His behavior scares them sometimes or they think he's weird. He is 9 and has been invited to a couple birthday parties over the years, all for classmates who invited the whole class. I would stay with him because I knew that a meltdown could happen. One time they had a pinata and he was at the end of the line and didn't get to hit it and then didn't get any of the candy. He had a meltdown and we had to leave. Then he had a birthday party and invited 6 kids from school that he really liked and his teacher felt really liked him, no one RSVP'd and no one showed up. Then a few weeks ago, he got an invitation from his reading teacher's daughter. She had been in a few of his regular ed classes before. I wondered if he was invited because his teacher knew that no one else would invite him, but he was so excited to be invited to a party. It was even a sleep over! I was terrified. But, at least it was one of his teachers. She knew his quirks, they didn't live very far. I let him go. He had a blast. This was the very first time in his life that he was just part of the gang.

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    Replies
    1. Bravo mom!! I know how hard it mustve been to let him go.

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  6. Please know that there is hope. My 31-year-old son was diagnosed as high-functioning autistic at the age of 12, but it was always obvious that this wasn't your everyday child. He didn't look me in the eye, had meltdowns, often with very little provocation and was difficult to communicate with. All of these qualities did not endear him to other kids (and often to me either). I loved him, but I found him difficult to like sometimes. Today he lives out of state, has always been self-supporting, drives a car, has a girlfriend and many loyal friends. I couldn't ask for a better son. He is loyal, loving, compassionate, sweet, funny and handsome. Hang in there!

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    Replies
    1. I so very badly needed to this post today. My wonderful 12 year old son had a very rough meltdown that upset us all, I'm very much looking forward to it getting better ugh! :)

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    2. Big hugs mom. I dont miss those days. Its so hard sometimes to be strong for them. Things will get better.

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  7. Shelly, your comment made me cry, and I don't even know how I got to this page - I don't know much about autism. Best of luck with your boys and may they always find friendship and happiness.

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  8. I saw a version of this post that has gone viral with a link to your site here. Your words, "This Mom is everything I strive to be" are being applied to you, by me, right now. Just wanted to let you know that you have touched my heart. I don't know you, I don't know Timothy, but you've both left a happy mark on my soul. Thank you.

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  9. Gives me hope. Hope it was great.

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  10. I think both of you are doing excellent jobs raising your sons. More people should be willing to look past people's differences in general, and find a way to include them instead of push them aside for "not fitting in". Everyone has their place in this world, and you may be as opposite to them as possible, but that doesn't mean great things can't happen from holding their hand.

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  11. I'm SO GLAD that this invitation happened. As a contained teacher for students with autism, and a mom of two boys with ADHD/Gifted (the youngest also having a NVLD and Anxiety), I'm always frustrated and perplexed by other people's views around unique minds. Drives me nuts!!!!!! You can check out my rants (and my teaching philosophy and tips) at: www.morethanbeingunique.wordpress.com

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  12. Very impressive... as always! Am sure the kids had a great time with theme parties. PartyManao is your one-stop online party supplies and planners, organizers. Visit partyManao.com for your party planning needs.

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  13. It is truly an impressive story. Thank you very much for this great share. Well, my son is 18 years old and is a big party freak. Now he is planning to throw a surprise party for his best friend. He has created a list of best party halls in Boston and would reserve one of those party spots.

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  17. This story touched my heart I was just browsing around on facebook and I saw this story. Shout out to both moms.

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  19. "Clicked" on this through my facebook feed and "The Mighty". Loved it, of course, but really appreciated how the other mother actually helped me to think of simple ways I can help others be included. I too have a son with special needs but still don't "get it" all of the time. Another thing that struck me was your title, "The Book of Timothy". I wrote a book called, "The Book about James". Here's hoping more books are written about our kids so that the world will see them as just a no big deal and exciting part of it. Maybe we'll get the whole New Testament ;) Thank you! Julia Gray

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  20. Love it. Because we all know the outcomes and possibilities that so many others take for granted.

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  21. I saw the story on Yahoo--and applaud everyone for getting the word out. We have two kids (non-spectrum) and as parents, I want to be helpful, but not intrusive. I want my kids to be friends, but not be too friendly (er--scary). I want my kids to be tolerant. I want my kids to act like they are 41, but they are only 5 and 3. But, there is no blueprint of how to interact with kids on the spectrum. These stories remind us that it is our job as parents to learn, not to be told. Thanks again for sharing your life--both the ups and the not-so-ups.

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  22. Read this online first. This is a great Mom with a great attitude who really outdoes herself to nurture her son's friendships for his best life ever! I love that she gives options and offers to do whatever it takes to include your child. My son has downs syndrome and most people just see him as different and never invite him. Its an awesome event to have a note like this from someone who "gets it". Have a great time!

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  23. I also have a son in the spectrum, he is 15 and he is an Aspie...I also wrote a blog, well, started recently because these kids are too awesome and i always tell things the do or say and my friends keep loving it so i decided to start....I am looking forward to keep reading yours....! www.wanderlustartemis.com

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  24. I know exactly what you mean. My "baby" is thirteen this year will head off to high school next year. We struggled with his social awkwardness and meltdowns for years, but with the help of a therapist (we love Luc) He has come so far. He is confident and has learned how to handle crowds and overstimulation on his own. We havent had a meltdown in years. My heart feels ready to burst when i see a glimpse of the man he will be. I was petrified of the future for so long. What I've learned is never pity or raise your child with pity autistic or not. Its one of the worst things you can do. Don't tell them they can't do things. Let them try. Encourage them to try new things. If they dont succeed its ok. Try again. Sometimes things don't work out how we want them to, but in the end they do work out. He was just asked to his eighth grade dance. I have mixed feelings but am mostly happy for him. The thought of high school will keep me up some nights, but I trust Seth and am excited too. Autism will not stop my son from doing anything he wants to do in life.

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