There was once a time in my life when I tried to be "normal". Oh I was naïve back then, even though it wasn't all that long ago...
Normal looking, normal acting, normal wife and normal Mom. It doesn't suit me. At all. Striving for mediocrity was never something I was into or good at. Fitting in never worked. I was always the kid who stood out, no matter what for whatever divergent reason. Wrong hair, wrong clothes, wrong interests, wrong wrong wrong.
Act normal, be normal, do normal. Guess what? Normal sucks! Normal is boring and fits me like a pair of size 2 jeans (snort) ummmm, yeah not really!
The day I stopped caring so much what others thought was the day I lost a cumbersome amount of weight, and no this was no miracle diet....It was so bloody freeing I wondered why I had waited my whole life to do it.
We just returned from a Timothy-less vacation, me and my two girls. Was it hard to leave him behind? Damn right. Did I miss him? Every day. Would I do it again? Absolutely.
What's this gotta' do with autism you wonder? Its the autism that set me on this path of freedom. As shitty as it can be some days, autism has opened my eyes to many things and folks, they are WIDE OPEN.
How you ask?
Watching my child be judged based on his appearance or his behaviour. Watching my parenting skills be judged and even dissected. So I stopped watching. I do me and I do my family and that's all that matters to me now.
So before you give me a dirty look or shake your head at us~ because you don't understand~ check to see if I'm paying attention to you............I assure you I'm not.
till next time...........
Beautifully put, Trish. This post as well as the rest. My life circumstances are different to yours but your courage in the face of what life has in store for you and Timothy is beyond inspiring. Crossing my fingers for you guys - although Timothy has already won the jackpot with such a mother. All the best to you and Timothy, and thank you so much for sharing your stories and thoughts.
ReplyDeleteO Trish! You do a very good "Job"! I am sure you give all you can and out of your words I can hear how much you love your kids! :)
ReplyDeleteThey can be happy and proud to have you as her mother. Noone can nearly feel what´s going on in your brain and how much stress all this sometimes means. My two boys - 9 and 11 - was born with a nervous desease: their brain and their bladder/bowels are not connected, so they will NEVER come out of their diapers.
I stopped counting the "fool looks", they bad comments, the "wise" tipps,...and concentrate ONLY on the happiness and the well-being of my sons.
RESPECT to you and the best wishes for all of you!!
MAY THE LORD BLESS YOU AND GIVE YOU GRACE AND STRENGHT!! :)